Ahh, the open seas.
Fresh air, open skies, brisk splashes of water splashing against one's face...
And the delicate stench of thousands upon thousands of gallons of crude oil.
Yes, it was a floating fortune for the business tycoon and a drifting time bomb for the environmentalist. Contained within the holds of the tanker were millions, if not billions of dollars worth of oil - such a payload ensured that even the hippy's VW Bus could put-put around the land, spreading its flower power to the idealistic, lazy and non-working hippie masses. God damn hippies.
But even those flower children must be appeased, and so too must the owners of such oil. It was a tricky thing, trying to please both parties. Indeed, it would take a man of great skill, knowledge and wisdom to do such a thing, and for the few that they could find, they were employed at the heads of such a massive vessel. It was a man who could ensure that the big wigs of the Oil Companies got their oil delivered to them in full whilst making sure that all the little fuzzy baby seals and squaking birds remained slick-free, thus making the pinko-commies light up some doobies in celebration.
The rank of captain was truly a prestigious rank.
Especially for this certain vessel, for not only were they undertaking their normal job, but in addition they had been selected to host a competition between two teams who were part of Gaia's most famous of fighting events - Heaven or Hell.
From Team Bloodfire, there was Dragosani Kain, Deitric Jocasta and James Eredas!
From Team Bloody Pandas, there was Dzan Streea, Gamma and...and...
Wait.
Where was Ebris Dhifi?
Ebag the II Wrote:
"EBRIS GET ME SOME DAMN MUSIC YOU GAKKING HU-"
WHOOOOOOONK.
The sound of the tanker's horn blaring silenced everything for miles with its inhuman decibels. What came next, however, was something even more surprising.
"Shut the rath up enjoy the sound of that, hiver!
The rough voice of Ebris Dhifi blasted over the intercom of the tanker, interlaced with the static that came with broadcasting one's voice over such a device. Harsh laughter followed it, always showing the amusement the hunter found in his own insults. Ebris stood within the confines of the tanker's bridge, stolen captain hat atop his head. Ebris liked that hat, so when he had stuffed the actual captain into a maintenance closet, he swiped it off the poor chump. After asserting his authority in such a manner, it hadn't been hard for him to take control of the ship - temporarily, at least.
After finishing his laughing, the hunter proceeded, "Alright then, ladies, I wanna make an announcement: Ebris Dhifi will now be known as Cap'n Dhifi to you lil' grodpacked maggots, or I'll forgo the throwin' yer asses into the brig and just chuck the lot of ya overboard! Got it?"
He was serious - srs serious.
"No objections? Good! Now, since I'm such a fine fellow and all, I'll give ya rathers some grodpacked music to listen to. Ya better enjoy it or there will be a grod-load of pansies overboard soon!"
The intercom went silent, though it was still on. Background noise could be heard, such as scuffling, swearing, yelping and possible b***h slapping. Then, suddenly - and without warning! - the forward ends of a few dozen crates exploded, sending wood flying everywhere and revealing massive subwoofers within.
Then the music began to shred the air.
KIROSANA
Ebris returned to the intercom, tapping his foot to the beat and began to try and speak over the music.
"There! Enjoy it or else. Now 'scuse me while I go do some cap'n business - gotta talk to the Navigator and see if there is any islands filled with cute, endangered animals, 'cause they honestly need to be steamrolled the rath over. Throne-damed hippies whinin' about them all the time and everything."
Static, then complete silence.
Yeah, remember that whole thing about skill, knowledge, wisdom and grod?
That all went flying out the damn window.