Ebris vs Athan

Stage0: Preliminaries

Frostschild Memorial Park

The sun is shining, the audience is pumped, it's a great day to kick a**.

While in memorium of those whom disappeared in the tragic Unity incident, this park is a lively place. In preparation for the fight some HoH fans brought their blankets and barbecues to watch the fight. It's a good old fashioned cookout amongst the violence.

Terrain

General - The green grass and general outdoorisness, while nice looking, should be accounted for.

Weapons - Barbecues, grilling implements, potato salad, trees.

Bonus Effects - Watch out for errant spectators, they're not as contained as usual.

Red Player: Ebris Dhifi

Representing: Honestly, Nice Guys

Played By: Cognitive Genome

Blue Player: Athan Cole

Representing: Mythos

Played By:Designated Hero

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, kids were playing and lovers were kissing.

Well, that is, until black, acrid smoke began to filter into the sky and blot out Mr. Sun, causing birds to drop from the skies like meaty rocks, forcing the kids to flee in terror and the lovers to start puking from the smell.

A keen observer, curious about all the hubbub going on, would follow the sooty trail the black clouds wafted from, leading to what appeared, at first glance, was a massive, iron-wrought sacrificial mound being tended to by a gore-slick monster.

Then they would realize it was just Ebris Dhifi cooking the remains of an entire cow on top of a rathton of barbecue grills placed side-by-side.

The perpetually pissed-off bounty hunter stood there, humming grunting out a tuneless tune while poking and prodding the smoldering corpse with a very large knife and spit. While the thing was pretty much entirely on fire - hence the lung-killing cloud of smoke - the innards hadn't been cooked all the way through, so Ebris was periodically sprayed with jets of arterial liquids, but it didn't seem to upset him too much (beyond the level he was permanently at, anyway). The way several limbs/body parts of the poor beast were twisted made it pretty obvious that the thing hadn't been stabbed or shot to death. Next to set of grills was a massive keg that was undoubtedly filled with a liquid that'd make beer seem like watered down lemonade.

All the while, a rathin\' ironic blared its static-laced noise through a radio that Ebris undoubtedly stole off of someone in the park.

Apparently, either Ebris didn't know that this was where the long-gone Frostchild was placed - a city that he had a gig in during its last moments - or simply didn't give to grods worth a damn. That, and he didn't notice the other HUEG presence directly behind him, peacefully grilling his own WEAK MEAT while waiting for his opponent and being just as oblivious.

That was sure as Warp gonna change in a wee bit.

Ebris was just minding his own business - him, his "Kiss the Rathin' Cook >:{" apron and the inferno of meat that was once a cow. Of course Jimbos had to come and ruin it, and he was none the wiser - too much music. Too much flames crackling. Too much focus on cooking delicious MEAT. Didn't notice a rathin' thing, until -

SPLAT

"Whatth'rath-"

• steaks from heaven, and then -

"HEY! GOT A PRESENT FOR YA."

"WUT-"

• getting nailed right in the chest by a runaway BBQ grill.

WHUD

"PISSSS!"

As the large steak slapped down onto the carcass of his immolating cow, Ebris knew something was wrong. At first, it wasn't perceived as a problem - I mean, who'd complain about more meat unless you were a CHUMP p***y vegetarian? Still, the bounty scum's already-furrowed brows creased and furrowed a bit more at the sight, as meat falling from the sky didn't tend to be a natural occurrence. Grod ain't right, no matter how awesome it potentially was. So, the logical reaction was to begin an about face and find out who was the faggert who was getting meat in his meat.

And then he heard the voice.

It got an immediate reaction - pupils dilated, blood pressure was built up, veins throbbed in neck and face, and the HAET began to undulate.

The turning suddenly got violent, Ebris' movements to face the source of the voice now grinding deep trenches into the dirt and sending it splattering everywhere, an expression of RAEG wrought upon his mug. It didn't help when he got smashed in the chest with a large grill, which knocked the wind out of him and caused him to nearly fall back into his burning mound of meat, grunting from pain and hissing through grinding teeth from rage. The bounty scum's feet dragged all the while, tearing more furrows into the ground.

Despite pretty much falling onto the flaming beast, Ebris didn't catch on fire or anything - one of the many reasons most of his stuff was flame-retardant. Immediately, he propped himself back up, his form covered in blood and now soot from the grill spilling charcoal all over him. Pretty rathin' much, the only things that weren't covered in grod were two blue eyes that were burning like dried ice and a set of pearly choppers that were visibly - and audibly - grinding together like some sort of industrial crushing machine, and both were focused on the the sumbitch right in front of him.

Athan Cole - HUEG JIMBO, and one of Ebris' most FAVORTIEST people on this grodhole of a planet.

Didn't matter if Cole was his opponent for the Heaven or Hell prelims or not. Grod was ON.

Thrusting his bulk to the right, Ebris' paws lunged forward and latched onto the head like pneumatic vises. Digits dug past cooked flesh, meat and cracking noises began to fill the air as something a bit harder was met and nearly broken, and despite the entire thing being mostly on fire - including the head - the bounty hunter seemed to be currently ignoring the kind of pain associated with having your hands set on fire.

Then, as quickly as he had performed this, the brute suddenly snapped back, hands still grabbing a hold of the poor, deader animal's skull.

The entire thing began to lurch.

"JIIIMMMMMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And then Athan Cole would find himself staring down the bulk of 1,400 pounds of flying, immolating cow. Ebris Dhifi had hurled the entire thing from his makeshift grill pit, causing them to spill over and start igniting the grass. The kind of momentum that only cow hurling could bring caused the bounty hunter to nearly fall face-first into the mangled dirt, but at the last moment and the intervention of a right hand (left was too busy smacking fire off of it onto his coat) propping him off the ground kept him going forward, full burst, right after Athan and Mr. Cow, screaming unintelligibly all the while.

Boy, sure was happy to see the guy!

[01/10]

See Cow. See Cow Explode. Explode Cow Explode.

That's what you get when you superheat any kind of bovine. The rathers were filled with all sorts of nasty gases in their guts - enough to suffocate an entire room of people if locked in with it. The groddy-smelling fumes only grew in volume when exposed to heat, causing organs to decompose and pop. If left to its own devices and allowed to brew in a fairly-whole condition, the damn thing would have simply detonated and showered several hundred pounds of rotting meat over several hundred meters of land.

Nasty, nasty grod, and it pretty much happened right then and there as the Cole Train shoulder checked the thing right in the belly.

Needless to say, both of them - and the surrounding area - were now covered head-to-toe in cow. Not even a minute into the prelims and they were already having a GRAND OLD TIME.

Ebris didn't bother slowing down in the slightest once the Jimbo broke through the cow and splattered them both. No, he continued to bellow like some sort of rabid animal (all the while spitting cow chunks outta his mouth all the while) and charge, right pulled back and under, his boots stomping mudholes in the ground like small explosives detonating.

And then the flying b*****d hit him and they both went to the ground.

Two things happened about the time they slammed into the earth, dragging a trench into the ground from Ebris' body sliding back - two painful things.

One, Athan's fist slammed hard into the bounty scum's forehead and upper nose. It would have hit him square in the face, but the impact from the ground caused Ebris' head to snap up and meet the fist head-on (lolololol, puns). This in turn cased his head to snap back down onto the ground hard and nearly giving the old sumbitch a concussion. He did see starts, though, and he was lucky his forehead was so rathin' hard, or his entire skull would have probably been caved in by the HUEG GAI.

Two, Ebris' own right swung up and right into Cole's solar plexus just as the two of them slammed down. Ebris' strength + Jimbo's weight + HURR MOMENTUM = damn, a lot of pain. While getting hit in the head was generally worse, there was a lot going into Cole's gut, meaning he'd probably feel more than a bit queasy.

Then, using his fist's position, Ebris would attempt to reach up with his left, grab a hold of the HUEG JIMBO's right and push up and to the side as soon as his head cleared. If they had to play grabass like this, Ebris was sure as hell gonna be trying to get on top, hur hur.

[02/10]

Through the RAEG and HAET and all that grod, Ebris' mug forced a toothy grin upon itself as his sledgefist slammed deep into the rathin' Jimbo's gut, twisting and driving up. His skull throbbed and his vision was slightly blurry, and he was covered in Throne knows how much grod from the surrounding area. It was brutal.

This was the kind of grod he came back to this rathin' tournament for - pure, unadulterated BRAWLS.

After throwing Cole off and to the side, Ebris quickly began to try and position himself into the most opportune position for a rathin' beatdown. Mitts were clenched into sledgefists, nearly causing veins to pop from the pressure of their tight grip. Before he had a chance to commence Operation: SMASH JIMBO, though, the sumbitch decided to go and play a different game by grabbing a hold of the upper cuff of Ebris' flak vest and yank down - a game the bounty scum was just as eager to return.

WHUCK

HEADBUTTAN TIEMZ.

Unnaturally-dense foreheads, only covered by thin layers of skin and muscle, collided like a pair of out of control freight trains. Neither gave out, though, like most things would - no, they would be taking levels of abuse that would cause an Orthopologist to grod brix. Already just having recovered from Cole's meaty fist slamming into his head, Ebris' vision was jarred once again and pain erupted on his forehead from the skin nearly splitting. Such symptoms usually suggested bad things were happening to one's head, and any smart person would desist at this point.

Problem is, Ebris wasn't the sharpest mining instrument down in the pits.

Sledgefists unfurling, the bounty hunter's paws shot down and latched onto the sides of the HUEG GAI's head and dug in hard. Then, with an ever-growing crazed look upon his ugly mug, Ebris continued the ballet of head smashing.

WHUCK

And again.

WHUCK

And again.

WHUCK

And again.

[03/10]

WHUCK

Sight goin' funny

WHUCK

Blood runnin' down forehead

WHUCK

Pressure buildin' up

WHUCK

Haha, this grod's gettin' good!

With hands clamped around his skull like a motherrather and a grod-eating grin on his mug that looked like he was going completely nuts, it was pretty damn obvious that, despite similar problems associated with massive amounts of HUEG headbutting, Ebris was having a rathin' ball. Cole didn't know it, but one of the bounty scum's favorite past times was to headbutt rathers constantly till their skulls gave out. Of course, his skull cracked a few times in the past - Ebris still remembered that one rathin' Greenskin - but that only served to harden the thing once it healed up.

If it came down to it, there was a good chance Ebris would have continued the damn match through subconscious impulses - long after his brain went to take a forced nap.

So, it was a pretty smart idea for that big Jimbo sumbitch to grab a nearby tarp and smother Ebris' ugly mug with it.

"MMRRGGPLLMMMSSSPP!!!" While the noises were pretty unintelligible, it wouldn't be hard to figure out what kinda words were frothing forth from the bounty hunter's blocked mouth. Normally, most punks would instinctively begin to claw at the grod covering their face, what, with being suffocated and all. Ebris was no CHUMP, though - no, the crazy sumbitch pulled back at the tarp, and with the disturbingly near-perfect outline of the hunter's facade stretching out further and further, it made it kinda clear that the crazy old b*****d wasn't done with their little game. During this, Ebris' hands groped a bit around the side of Cole's head and proceeded to clamp down on something that'd prove to be really, really bad - his ears.

So, when the bounty hunter was decked with a right and sent off to the Jimbo's left, the Jimbo was gonna be getting something just as nice in return.

16 pounds - 16 pounds of rathin' force. That's all it took.

SSSHHHKKKKFFFLLLLLPPPP~

Hucked off to the side, Ebris rolled away a bit, covering himself further in all the grod their little match had kicked up all over the place. Coming to a stop, the bounty scum began to prop himself up, his left yanking the impossibly-stretched plastic tarp off his face, his right holding onto something else.

Tossing the cloth away, Ebris began to bat and dust grod off of his coat, vest and jeans with his left, coughing periodically during it. His head was currently lowered, looking over his body, but blood could be seen trickling down from his face and forming a pool at his feet. Then, suddenly, an odd, rough, guttural noise began to rise up from the bounty hunter's throat.

He was chuckling.

Looking up now, it was revealed that Jimbo's fist had done a number on the brawler. His nose was brutally crooked and jutting off to his right, and in conjunction with his split forehead skin, blood was just running down his face in sluices. Despite having his face partially ruined (not that it did much to hinder his boyish good looks), Ebris was grinning pearly whites at Cole from ear to rathin' ear. Continuing to chuckle, his left came up to his mug, wiped away some blood with his sleeve, and then, using his hand, painfully snapped his nose back into general place with a sickening crunch.

And, as this happened, his right rose up, something bloody and fleshy dangling down from his pinched index and thumb.

"Looks like yer missin' something thar, Jimbo," he rasped between a cough, still chuckling, and proceeded to huck the piece of whatever at Cole.

It'd turn out to be the sumbitch's left ear.

16 pounds of rathin' force, indeed. Ebris' strength, coupled with being hurled to the side by Cole's own inhuman strength, as well as it being positioned to the opposite side of the throw (meaning that the skin would be pulled harder) caused the little thing to rip off the side of his head easier than the peel off a rotten banana.

Ebris Dhifi just done got dirty.

Then, without giving the poor b*****d much of a chance to mourn the death of a part of his head, the bounty scum suddenly began to thud forward in a powerful, hunched charge, hoping to slam into Cole and right into a picnic table right behind him.

All the while, the grass around them were igniting up like wildfire due to all the spilled grills, as well as starting to burn around several knocked-over propane tanks.

Grod was gonna get good soon.

[04/10]

GONNA KICK YER a**

GONNA RATHIN' END YOU

GONNA-

WHACRACK

Well, that didn't go as rathin' planned.

Despite his size, Ebris was a pretty damn fast sumbitch, almost frighteningly so, primarily when it came to straight dashes. The bounty hunter's massively powerful legs could pump like pistons in a diesel engine and carry him forward with giant strides. Many a rathin' dumbass figured that the old hunter would be all slow as grod on a January night, and they all learned what it was like to be hit by the human equivalent of a freight train. Of course, Ebris needed a wee bit of distance to build up some momentum - distance he didn't have when it came to bowling over Cole.

So, the sumbitch done got an attack of opportunity against the HAET TRAIN.

The force of the picnic table slamming into Ebris' upper body and head was so great that the wooden planks were nearly disintegrated from the impact, and the blow actually hit so hard that it redirected the momentum of the charge. The bounty hunter's torso and head snapped to the left brutally, accompanied by a stringy rope of blood and a few teeth spitting forth from his maw, with his right leg stepping forward wide in the continued movement.

THUD

That is, however, until the leg's foot stomped down with all its might, halting the charge with a sudden, painful lurch and creating a massive imprint in the ground that went past his ankles. The entire left side of the bounty scum tightened up, its respective paw tightening into a sledgefist full of ANGR and HAET.

Then, just as quickly as he had stopped, Ebris snapped forward with his left side in one brutal, powerful motion while pivoting on his right boot - further tearing up the ruined earth around his embedded foot - and sent in a gigantic haymaker towards Cole's bootiful face with his left sledgefist.

It was a counter attack that would have blown the head right off of a lesser man.

All the while, the snapped-back face of Ebris loomed, face even more bloodied but even more manic. The old b*****d was going off his rocker

[05/10]

WHUD

Hah - that's rathin' more like it!

Sledgefist connected with iron jaw, and the sledgefist won. The power behind the blow wasn't all that Ebris had, not at all - he needed more setup for that - but it was still rathin' potent, and damn enough to turn most Jimbo's faces concave. Still, it was rathin' satisfying to see that HUEG sumbitch spit out as many teeth as he had a bit ago, and it made Ebris all the more eager to continue pounding the ugly looking motherrather's mug in deeper and deeper.

Normally, Ebris would have followed up with another blow or move immediately afterwards, but the punch he had sent was wide and strong, which made it difficult to start up any sort of combo. Didn't rathin' matter to the bounty hunter - who needed combos when you could punch a CHUMP's head right off their shoulders?

Well, it did kind of cost him in the end. After catching himself, Ebris was going to step in with his right and send down another blow right into the Jimbo, but his foot was halted when it was rudely stabbed by the sumbitch. Lucky for the bounty hunter, the steel plates sewn into his boot prevented him from getting the thing skewered (and causing the piece of table to shatter and slide off), but it did allow Cole to prop himself up into an uppercut aimed right at Ebris' jaw. Due to their respective heights, the two giants pretty much had the exact same reach.

So, what'd the old fart do?

He punched right back.

WHU-WHUD

DUAL STRIKE

Already having planned to step in with his right to deliver some pain, Ebris still had use of his right sledgefist. Servos whining, the fake hand was sent down hard, waist snapping down with the movement. At the same time, Cole's own was coming up fast and hard, but caused him to drive his face ever-upward until both finally collided

The two blows rocked them both. Ebris saved himself from a dislocated jaw by rolling his neck and head slightly, which still hurt like a b***h (force transfered to the neck) and still cracked a few fake molars. The impact also caused Ebris to stagger back a bit after his fist connected with the Jimbo, the stars once again blinking before his RAEG-filled vision. Things really WERE getting rathin' good, and after a few blinks and the shake of his head, Ebris was ready to storm back into the brawl, his vocal chords rumbling forth one helluva mean bellow.

[06/10]

The sound of a watermelon being hit was evident. Oh, wait, that was somebody's head. A blond, exuberant woman came bouncing near the fight, only to get a blast of grease in her direction. Lucky for her fire was her life, so she just brushed off the spot on her clothing that quickly ignited.

Nothing like the smell of burnt flesh and hair fresh in the air.

She had a footlong hot dog in her hand, munching away with a mouthful as she yelled out to the man that just latched onto the other man's thighs.

"HIT HIM HARDER!"

Hey, wait, she knew them...both.

"Eeeewww."

This was her initial response to seeing Ebris. She decided to quickly get away from the fight when low and behold she saw something on the ground. Reaching down, she pulled it free from the dirt.

"Hey, it's an ear. My sister needs one of these."

Dusting it off, she walked away from the fight. She had to hurry and put it on ice or was it milk?

The damned park had turned into a warzone, and the worst part about it was that this was supposed to be the preliminaries. How the hell could anyone have expected these two tanks to cause this much damage with a shortened time limit?

Not like the two guys were well-aware of the tournament they were fighting for. Until a judge stepped in, Athan and Ebris were just fighting for the sake of RAGE and HATE, respectively.

A sharp wheeze of pain was sucked in through clenched teeth the moment knee and shoulder connected, but there was no stopping now. The two were carried into the flaming cesspool and, were it not for the fire burning most living things to a crisp, infection would have been a serious concern.

Athan's short-lived victory soon gave way to a sudden, incredible burning feeling overwhelming the dull throbbing atop what was left of his ear. On the bright side, Athan didn't have to worry about the bleeding anymore. Flip side of the coin, however, the left side of his face was on fire.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

His left hand thrust forward, slamming into Ebris' face and pushing the bounty hunter's head back into the grease fire while his right furiously clawed at the extremely hot gunk burning his skin off. The amount of pain Athan was in could not accurately be described, but suffice to say, his hatred of the brute underneath him was doing wonders to stave it off temporarily. The heat was so great that fear of losing his left eye caused him to shut it tight while the right furiously searched for some form of retribution despite the thick smoke.

It was then that he noticed something shaped strangely like a rope. Only it was on fire and smelled horrible.

Both hands left their respective positions, the right moving away from his face while the left stopped pushing on Ebris' head. Because laying on the ground, just underneath the two fighters, was a portion of the cow's small intestine.

By the time Ebris would be able to bring his head up off the grease, Athan crossed both arms in front of his chest, traded ends, and ******** pulled, choking off the bounty hunter's air supply with a flaming cow intestine. His left hand blistered almost immediately, but that didn't matter. His left eye flashed open, and Athan stared Ebris down with all the primal fury of a madman.

"WHAT WAS THAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Hell, any other fight this might have seemed out of the ordinary.

[8/10]

Meanwhile, sitting in a lawn chair a good, long way away, Lahren had been watching the fight since it had broken out. His sorta-daughter was nowhere to be seen, which was probably a direct result of any sort of proximity to Ebris Dhifi.

Thanks to that Vulcan's assistance, Lah's face didn't look like a horrid mess, but there was no mistaking the distinct bend in the bridge of his nose. That just happened to be the end result of him taking one of the bounty scum's fists head-on, and up until about this moment Lahren had been vaguely irritated that he hadn't gotten to vent more frustration before that BRAWL had been cut short.

Looking on in sick fascination, though, it suddenly clicked somewhere that that untimely interruption back in the Firebrand may be the only reason he was able to even move. If that didn't send a chill down your spine, nothing would.

Ah well. The acrobat took a gulp of lemonade, and waited to see the rest of the fight play out. This s**t was just getting good.

Rathin', rathin' brutal. This was the kind of grod Ebris wanted to get involved with when he joined that grodpacked tournament, not chasing around pansies and beating and mining them like the CHUMPS they were. No, this was the real deal, the whole shebang - dirty fightin' against a big a sumbitch as strong as him and almost as crazy and mean. Ebris pretty much hated Cole more than any sumbitch on Gaia Primus, but rath, he could only count enough Jimbos who could give him a rathin' good brawl on a single hand alone, and that was including the big b***d he was rolling around in boiling muck with.

Real one helluva rathin' ball, even through all the Throne-damned agony. Besides, he figured, he was kicking the grod outta the Jimbo more than he had ever done before, and he was far from rathin' finished.

The sight of Cole choking on his own fingers and hand meat caused a choked bark of laugh to erupt from the bounty hunters filthy maw, despite the fact that the back of his head was on fire and the Jimbo spitting the grod back into his face, nailing his eye partially. No, the crazy hunter just continued to laugh gutturally, especially once the cow intestine noose was slackened up a bit, which allowed Ebris' booming, rough and near-mad hilarity to be heard across the entire park. Even when his face slammed into the side of the grill and left a wonderful, scalding impression on the side of his face, the bounty scum continued to bellow in insane mirth, which continued on as he secured a mount (temporarily pulling his duster up over his head to smother the flames up there) and began to rain blow after rathin' blow into Cole's head - some missing and putting massive holes in the dirt, some undoubtedly driving the Jimbo's head deep into the earth - all the while completely ignoring the fleeing spectators and the odd hissing noise, as well as any blows Cole might be sending up right back at him.

The bounty hunter was outta his rathin' mind and loving every second of it.

"BAHAHAHAHA-"

WHUD

"-AHGHAHAHA-"

WHUD

"HUHAHAHAAAAAA!"

WHUD

[09/10]

WHUD

"GAHAHAHAHA-"

SSHNK

"AUUUNH PISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

What was originally a pretty rathin' intimidating, loud-as-rath voice became something a tad bit more comical as Cole finally decided to get a bit dirty himself and slam a red-hot skewer up and through Ebris' nose. While anything of that sort is anything but pleasant, the bounty hunter was spared from having the Throne-damned thing shoved up into his head, and instead had the flaps of his nostrils skewered like part of a shish kabob.

Bellowing in a nasaly rage, the bounty hunter attempted to try and remove the offending object, but Cole was quicker on this draw. The sound of parts of his body getting ripped off wasn't too uncommon for Ebris to hear - last year he had to rathin' deal with that Chimera sumbitch and losing his rathin' arm - but it was never one he took to too kindly. The nasal flaps were torn through nastily, sending bits of flesh into the ever-growing fire around them. Insane hilarity turned into plain ol' rathin' insane RAEG upon this - Ebris didn't give a grod that he had rathed up Cole a lot more in this fight, as what the sumbitch did made things escalate a wee bit for the bounty hunter.

Blue eyes flaring like unstable plasma and his maw curling into frothing RAEG, the bounty scum plunged down and began to try and jam his thumbs as deep as he could into the Jimbo's eyes and skull.

Yeah, just a wee bit.

Now, this didn't happen immediately - Ebris had to deal with Cole's attempts at preventing him from popping his eyes like zits, which would undoubtedly be fierce as all hell. Still, the bounty hunter had done gone got berserk, and it seemed like it was a matter of time before the HUEG b*****d was gonna need a new set of googly eyes to go with a new ear and grod.

Well, that prolly would have happened, if that rathin' hissing noise didn't get so unbearably annoying.

Glancing up momentarily with a pissed off grunt, Ebris' mean gaze began to scour for what the source of the racket was. It was then, Ebris realized with a sinking feeling in his gut, that there wasn't a Throne-damned sentient in sight. Before, there were some who weren't entirely pussies and watched a bit, but now they were all rathin' gone. It only took a bit more lookin' and guessin' for Ebris to figure it all out - the source of the noise, the missing CHUMPS and why the fire was now suddenly moving in a strange manner.

Propane. Throne-damned propane.

"Aw r-"

[10/10 - End?]