Interview: Serial Healer
Alicia: "Hellooooooo, Gaia! I've been assigned to all the major news updates around here, for the time being. It's a lot of responsibility, but I think I'm up to it! I'm sure you're all dying to read the latest news, so I won't take up too much of your time. First up our senior reporter, Jack Cracker, has managed to score an exclusive interview with the one, the only, the Serial Healer! Let's watch, shall we? Jack managed to catch up with Mr. Healer at the Gambino Hospital, where he was doing rounds - primarily by suplexing his patients to better health....
Report Wrote:
Jack: "Jack Cracker here at the Gambino Hospital, where we have managed to get an exclusive interview with Donovan Frank Castle, otherwise known as the Serial Heal--"
Nurse: "OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT MAN!?"
The Serial healer is seen twisting someone's wrist in a sicking manner.
Castle: "Carpal Tunnel Release."
Jack: "Um. Mr. Castle... we'll start out with your, shall we say, ambitious method of treating your patients. Where exactly did you study to learn these techniques?"
Castle: "Action movies..."
Castle takes a moment to backhand a passerby in the mouth.
Passerby: "Ow What's the big i- Hey... HEY! You've cured my overbite! Thanks Serial Healer!"
Castle just nods and turns back to the reporter.
Castle: "Action movies, medical journals, and a dusty old tome I found in my mother's attic."
Jack: "I... see. I'm not entirely sure that qualifies you for a medical degree, but I guess nobody checks that sort of thing in this day and age. I do have to ask, just how
do you do these... miracle healings of yours? And how did you get your start in the field of healing?"
Castle: “My handiwork says more than any framed sheet of paper could.”
The rather large man continues his trek through the infirmary.
Castle: “Ever since I was a kid, It’s been my dream to help people!”
A nurse strolls up along side him pushing a young, heavily breathing woman in a wheel chair.
Nurse: “Mr. Castle she-“
Castle: “Deviated nasal septum?”
Nurse: “Yes.”
One lighting-fast palm strike to the nose later and…
Castle: “Done.”
Patient: “THANKS SERIAL HEALER!”
The now, clearly breathing woman is overjoyed. Castle never breaks his stride.
Castle: “It gives me pride and warms my heart like nothing else ever did. My methods may appear barbaric and cruel but... I developed this technique out of necessity.”
Jack: "Yes... there has been some dispute over your methods, but the results are simply astonishing. From what I understand you've been at this... serial healing... for a
few years now. Rumors have been going around that you might expand to a new profession, such as serial psychology, or perhaps train a new generation of serial healers. What
are your thoughts?"
Castle: “Well I-”
Suddenly the double doors on the far end of the hall explode open and a team of paramedics rush in, frantically pushing a gurney carrying a bloodied man.
Paramedics: “MAKE WAY! WE GOT AN EMERGENCY HERE! STAB WOUND TO THE CHEST WITH A PERFORATED LEFT VENTRICAL! HE’S GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST! SOMEONE GET US A DOCTOR!”
In spite the commotion, Castle remained amazingly calm.
Castle: “Give me one second."
The Serial Healer breaks into a sprint down the hall, shoving nurses and the like out the way before leaping into the air with both hands clamped above his head. He
crashes violently into the gurney, throwing back the paramedics and rocking the room as a brilliant white light engulfs everything. The camera crew’s equipment receives a
massive wave of distortion. Castle emerges from the carnage holding a bloodied knife in his hand. Shortly afterwards, the stab victim followes, having been miraculously
yanked from his deathbed!
Stab Victim: “W…W… Wow… thanks?”
Castle just nods and turnes back to the camera crew.
Castle: “Sorry about that. What were we talking about again?”
Jack: "I... uh... y'know, I think that will be everything for today, Mr. Castle. My back is acting up again and all."
A wave of terrified realization washes over the repoter's face. The Serial Healer’s eyes narrow. Without a word he grabbes hold of the reporter, lifts him above his head
and…
CRUNCH-BACK BREAKER!
Castle: “You’re welcome.”
A nurse rushes up Mr. Castle, tugging at his arm in order to get his attention.
Nurse: “Castle, didn’t you hear!? A row of stands just collapsed in a nearby stadium! Hundreds are reported injured and many of them will be headed this way! Can you
help us!?”
Grinning, Castle tilts his head from side to side, popping his neck and then cracking his knuckles soon afterwards.
Castle: “I’m on it.”
Before heading out, the Serial Healer looks directly into the camera and spoeaks.
Castle: “Again I must apologize for not being able to answer all your questions. My life is a hectic one, as you can see.”
Jack: "Yes, I understand. I... I feel ten years younger. Mr. Castle, any parting words for our audience?"
Castle: "Be careful out there. It's dangerous."
And with that, Castle took his leave, making sure to punch the guy complaining about his stomach ulcer right in the gut.
Jack: "This is Jack Cracker, Gaia 7 News."
Alicia: Jack would have filed the report himself, but apparently he's going rock climbing for the first time in years. Have fun, Jack!
Hey, what the... where'd the fourth wall go...?
